sadness

i've never been so sad in my life. well, as far as i can remember. it's because of some stupid things that i myself had caused. i suck, i really am. i've been so selfish and insensitive that i've caused you pain. some innocent people even got involved. i'm so sorry to all of you whom i've hurt.

i've been crying and thinking for a few days. i didn't even get enough sleep. i laugh and smile but if you'll look deeply into my eyes, it's not happiness that you'll see. it's pain... sadness... well, there's no else to blame but myself. i think it's just right for me to suffer. it's just right for me to feel the pain. i barely speak since yesterday. if you'll talk to me, i'll answer you but in the most boring and sad way. i'm not sure if you can see the loneliness in me, but who cares... oh, does anybody care?

christmas is fast approaching. lots of people are excited about it. but me, i'm not because i guess it's the saddest christmas ever. if only i can stay home that day and sleep the whole day, i will. but of course that won't be possible coz my whole family is expecting that i'd celebrate with them.

gosh, i dooomed! i feel so helpless. help me God.